The rest of your life?

(written in 2008)

left, me in 1997; right me in 2010

While flipping channels, there was one show where some dork was talking about his wife and how when he first met her, he knew this was the woman that he'd be with for the "rest of his life". That got me thinking, how the hell do you know you'll love or be something for the rest of your life when you haven't lived the rest of your life yet? I see a lot of people say they'll love someone for the rest of their life but then after a month or even a week they break up. There were times when I said "I can eat this for the rest of my life" or "I could listen to this band for the rest of my life", next thing you know I'm eating something else or I'm listening to some other band. Just got sick of the food, just got sick of the band..that's all I can say.

Back when I was in middle school I was huge on hip hop and thought I'd be into hip hop for life, come high school I don't even own a single hip hop cd and even get embarrassed that I was actually into shit like Rappin-4-tay, Richie Rich, Luniz, etc (wow, I'm surprised I even remember some of those rappers). I used to collect toys throughout my childhood and teens year, kept them as perfect as possible in their package cause I thought I would grow old with the junk, come college I hate all that bullshit and sold (practically gave away) everything on ebay. Ghost Rider used to be my all time favorite comic character, now I can't fucking stand Marvel comics. When I was a catholic in like the 1st grade, I said I'd love God forever, now I don't even believe in God. Grunge, I loved it, then hated it, now love it again. People that said we'd be "best friends forever" just disappear and I doubt we'd even recognize each other if we ever cross paths again. On the other hand, people I hated so much in high school and swore to never forgive are on good terms with me now and we laugh at some of the silly feelings we had before.

I'm really indecisive with what to do with my life when it comes to making a living (although when I was a kid I wanted to be a comic artist for Marvel and back in high school I wanted to be a wrestler, wow I was retarded). I look at potential careers but then I say "nah, can't see myself doing this for the rest of my life" (especially business or medical careers, I always say I'd get bored and commit suicide if I became an accountant or depressed and commit suicide if I became a surgeon). I know I can be any of those things if I put my efforts in them and had the patience, but I just keep going for the short-term gratification of seeing a cool porno or drawing something strange to amuse myself as time passes.

I can see myself jumping from one menial general labor job to the next, but can't see myself anchored to one profession that I would invest so many years into getting. But who knows, maybe I'll want to be an accountant or surgeon when I get more serious in life? In my observation of my own life, things changed more often than they stayed the same. Seems like people just say the "rest of your life" thing most of the time cause they're just caught in the moment.. From now on, I will never claim to say I'd like or be something for the rest of my life because it's so easy to get sick of something and opinions can change as fast as they were created. Wait, maybe my claim of refusing to say I'd like or be something for the rest of my life is just me talking in the heat of the moment? Whatever, I think too much cause of tv, who said tv makes your brain lazy?

I hate alcohol, coffee, and probably you

Written in 2007

Me caught in my drinky mood which is usually Halloween

(note: I really have a weird relationship with alcohol where I either love or hate everything about it depending on my mood or the people I’m around (I can go from being a Straight Edge douche to Barney Gumble...although never as drunk as Barney). My life with alcohol is kinda like the relationship of my parents where one minute they’ll be fighting, then suddenly fucking, and then fighting again”. This rant just finds me in my “straight edge” mood. Nothing is really forever and the only real guarantee anyone can ever make is to die one day, so whatever, moods come and go and life always changes, isn’t that what makes it worth living? Can’t be doing and thinking the same exact shit for every second of your life…Coffee on the other hand, I’ve been pretty consistent over hating that shit)

I just don't get it. Alcohol tastes like gasoline mixed with piss, fucks up your body, and makes you act like a fucking retard, yet people always glorify it. It's the "life of a party". Well, parties usually suck. If your mouth isn't a bull's anus and you hate shitty pop/rap/r&b music, then there's really nothing much left to do at parties. Just stand around and try to look important while holding a drink. Hmm, I guess that's why you gotta drink to "enjoy" a party. You have to make yourself so drunk that you can't even realize how much parties suck ass. I also guess that's why I'm only a "social" drinker as I only drink whenever I'm around people just to numb myself to the fact that their lame existence coincides with mines.

I miss being a kid cause parties used to be cool. Parties were all about pizza, cake, ice cream, lazer tag, and beating up midget clowns trying to provide for their kids by getting their asses kicked by somebody else's kids. When you get older most parties you get invited to are so boring, it's all about over-priced drinks in a club and bullshitting with bullshit people for the sake of social status and networking with a bunch of phonies or to just get laid by some snotty whore that tries to look too cool to talk to anyone until she's filled up with liquor and drops the panties for whatever drunk idiot guy has the best careers and vomits the least on her expensive dress.

I used to be antisocial cause I had no choice; I was an obese shy little video game addicted loser throughout my childhood and early teens. Now that I'm none of those things and gave "socializing" a lot of chances (yeah I've given it chances to be fair), I still am antisocial, probably even more antisocial than ever! I'm the type of guy that only goes to parties if there's going to be food and goes to shows just for the music and to mosh (it's the closest thing I get to beating someone's ass legally). I'm a simple man, after a day of crappy work I just want to eat, sleep, shit, jerkoff, and work on some noise compositions or crayon doodles when I'm not busy watching sitcom re-runs while lifting weights to relieve stress from being subjected to the stupid commercials.

I hate those people that just stand around at shows drinking and talking to some dumb fashion whore slut, while ignoring the music all together. I've been to shows where the stupid drunks were louder than the actual band and you couldn't even hear the music cause the stupid drunks just kept yakking about something not worth caring about. Sure the bands drink too sometimes, but whatever, as long as they can deliver the music is all I care about. I've seen some bands before that were so drunk that they couldn't even play their shit right. Am I the only one that still thinks shows and concerts should be about the music, not the fucking alcohol? You can get alcohol whenever all year long. Getting live music from a decent band at your local club is not something that happens often so quit fucking up my experience by getting drunk and not being able to shut the hell up when the music starts.

Coffee is another drink I can't stand. I just hate that taste. Whenever I drink a cup of coffee, it feels like someone took a hot dump in my mouth to make my tongue marinade in some sort of bitter, chalky, fecal fluid. Sometimes there'll be a hot chick that'll say "lets grab a cup of coffee some time". No matter how hot the chick is, I have a knee jerk reaction to say, "oh I don't drink coffee". Yeah, I've blown it a million times but fuck it! If the chick were really meant to be with me, she would have cut the coffee-bullshit and went straight to giving me a nice sloppy blowjob. I think a lot of people don't even really like coffee and just buy it for fashion. I have to clean an entire parking garage as part of my job and every fucking day, no matter what time of the day it is, there are cups of coffee just left sitting in the garage with literally only like 2 or 3 sips taken from it. Emptying trash cans on the street daily is another thing I do and every fucking day the bags are full of coffee. You'd think people would drink every drop of overpriced Starbucks coffee but most people just take a sip and throw the rest of the shit out. Maybe people are so retarded that they forget how coffee tastes like every morning so every morning they have to remind themselves about how much coffee sucks for some reason. That would explain why they buy it every morning only drinking a small taste of it then throwing out the whole thing so that garbage bags overfill with oceans of coffee daily. Some people say they drink coffee to "wake up". Uh, well you sure didn't drink, let alone buy, that damn coffee in your sleep. The whole thing about caffeine giving you a boost or whatever seems like just some bullshit placebo effect. Back in my college days, I used to have a really boring political/pretentious art film class featuring many cinematic equivalents of sleeping pills so I used to drink a bunch of energy drinks (high in caffeine) during these films and I STILL fell asleep. Either caffeine is useless or those movies just plain sucked and could put anyone to sleep. Meh, I wouldn't be surprised if both were true though.

Well anyways, coffee and alcohol seem to be drinks people use to socialize with. I'm like allergic to socializing so my disgust over such beverages is not exactly something that puts me in conflict. Fuck alcohol, fuck coffee, and fuck everybody in general. Fuck everything. In fact, fuck writing this rant! What the hell was I thinking when I wrote this? It's like I assumed people would care about my trivial thoughts that are misanthropic in nature, hence why I had to materialize my thoughts through the alphabet in order for them to be contemplated by something other than my own cognitive activity. What the hell is anyone thinking when they do anything? Did they think they were doing something to benefit society? Why the hell does society need benefiting anyways? Society always has problems. I used to have a car that had problems and I just abandoned it. Abandoning society would be a good idea.

Bottled Water represents everything wrong with society

"Okay, we can't live without spunk, you got us...but we sure as fuck can live without bullshit bottled water."

I always see a recycling bin full of those damn water bottles. From schools, to offices, to parks, to houses, there's a bin full of those wastes of plastics. At some apartment buildings I work at, the recycling bins are overfilling with that crap on a daily basis. I could somewhat understand people buying bottled water for when they're on the go, but at your home where there's water that's practically free, you don't need to stock up on bottled water and go through a case every fucking day while you stay home (staying home and drinking bottled water, am I the only one that sees how retarded this is? I can picture someone just drinking a bottle of water right in front of their fully functional kitchen sink....meanwhile people in third world countries would kill just to have clean running water that idiot Americans have but don't take advantage of cause the water isn't packaged and advertised to them enough, gawd forbid you drink water that wasn't sold to you in a containter, ugh).

"But they're recycling so what should it matter if there's so many water bottles?," you say. Recycling is so overrated, it still fucks the environment over due to a lot of processes and materials involved to get recycling started. TRUCKS that cause pollution pick up all that recycled junk for chrissakes, you can try to bitch about car pollution being a bigger problem to bitch about but it's much easier to stop drinking bottled water than to invent a dependable, affordable, clean alternative energy source isn't it? If you can't do something simple, how do you expect to change ANYTHING? Lets also not forget all the processes and wasted resources used to make those precious plastic bottles to begin with.

The answer is not recycling. Recycling is just a way for people to pat themselves on the back as if they're doing the world such a big favor after fucking it over. Here's a bright idea, why not just have NOTHING TO RECYCLE TO BEGIN WITH? Just drink tapwater from one of your glasses. "But tapwater is disgusting and dirty," you say. That's funny cause tapwater actually has higher standards than bottled water due to the government's scrutiny of it and do you really think bottled water is shipped straight from the lakes of heaven as God mixes some fresh batches of hydrogen and oxygen together? There have even been blind taste tests where some people preferred the taste of tapwater over bottled water, although most people didn't even taste much of a difference. And if tapwater was so dirty, why the hell do you bathe yourself in it? That ain't bottled water coming from your shower is it?

We're in a mindless consumer-driven society where people feel insecure and displease if they didn't purchase something packaged and overhyped. And bottled water is one of those things to purchase. Corporations make bottled water look like some sort of magical and pure elixir. They dress it up in all these stylish bottles and slap a name that sounds like some refreshing mountain forest place (Crystal Geiser, Arrowhead, Deep River Rock, etc) or just plain metrosexual (Dasani,what the fuck is a Dasani?). They must get the same creative team that cooks up metrosexual names for fancy cars and contrived shampoo scents like "Spring Shower Passion".

Can't really put all the blame on the corporations though, they're just trying to take advantage of everyone's stupidity to make money (isn't that what we all do in this capitalist country?). I blame the moronic consumers for this the most. How can you be so fucking stupid that you rely on buying bottled water to live? Water is such a primal need of all life forms, it's ridiculous knowing your life directly depends on corporations having to bottle and then sell to you what you life depends on regularly. I hope every brand of bottled water goes extinct so I can see you all die of thirst….why are there so many different brands of bottled water anyways, do particular brands have water that tastes more like water than the water of the other water company? Who has the most watery tasting water? Oh wait, maybe water tastes like what the brand names are. Like Crystal Geiser tastes like a bunch of crystals, Arrowhead has an arrowheady taste to it, and Dasani…uhh, Dasani tastes like whatever the fuck a Dasani is.

Well if my short rant didn't convince you about bottled water representing everything wrong with society (the manipulative corporations and stupid people), check out this site, which has a wealth of knowledge that should shut you bottled water drinkers up.

http://www.bottledwaterblues.com/

Sports are boring, useless, overrated, and retarded.

My dad was watching a football game and besides countless advertisements, I'd hear the announcer's voice. I just realized how pointless to society their job is. They just talk either about a ball moving on a grass field or the guy moving the ball as if we should give a shit he's moving the ball. It's ridiculous how much value is put into such a trivial action. Do people who consider NFL/NBA/MLB/etc a way of life even realize their precious games are just an excuse to attract idiots to a billboard saturated arena or beer-ad filled television? You can say the same about other television shows being a mere means for assaulting viewers with consecutive advertisements, but at least some tv shows tackle real issues that directly affect your life. What does sports do? There's all this unnecessary importance invested into the movement of a ball, a fucking ball. There is no other practical reason to care where the ball is moving. Every value put into the game is arbitrary. It's ridiculous how this movement of a ball is so glorified that it has become a multi-million dollar industry. Also ridiculous is how much respect the ball-movers get. Someone will buy a piece of shit shoe just cause Michael Jordan endorses it. Jordan should do the world a favor and endorse wrist slicing, we'd have a lot less idiots wasting oxygen on earth.

I don't hate sports (in fact I play b-ball just for fun), but I hate "sports culture". And I actually wouldn't mind sports culture if it wasn't saturating and dumbing down people just so they can be primed up to buy beer and overpriced shoes. Sports is EVERYWHERE and here's some of its negative impact:

-A huge chunk of the news and newspapers are devoted to retarded scores instead of important issues.

- People start stupid brawls over their favorite teams and start acting like drunk rowdy assholes over something so trivial.

-Delusional ghetto kids will play basketball like their lives depended on it in hopes of being that one in a million NBA superstar instead of concentrating on studies (schools require athletes to keep good grades to stay in the team but kids end up cheating on tests and homework).

-Cool shows on tv are cancelled to show some dumb game and even if the game is done, they still have to talk about the dumb game in a program of its own (WHY?!?!?! Haven't we seen enough of the game ENOUGH???? What more is there to add that it has to cancel Simpsons?...well it used to piss me off back in the early 90's when Simpsons was still cool, but now Simpsons suck so I don't really care anymore, but still the principle of having to knock a show out of its regular schedule just to review the game, what in the fuck is the point of going over the game again, some team won because they scored more than the other team, THAT'S IT, THE END)

-Traffic is caused by games all the morons rush to or go home from (gah! the traffic kills me the most)

-Stadiums occupy space that could have been used for something more useful (hell, the parking lot alone for these useless stadiums can be a school).

I hate how people assume sports is on everyone's mind as if it's more important than politics. People try to start small talk with me either about the weather or sports. They say dumbshit like "nice weather we're having, don't you think?" or "you see the game?" . Well of course I know the weather is nice you dimwit, I'm on the same planet. But no, I did not see the game. Why, was my life at stake? Oh did the home team win? Yippy! Who fucking cares if this or that team wins, it doesn't do shit for my life. Yet society worships these ball-movers as if they made such great contributions to the world by being an overpaid walking advertisement for Nike and Budweiser. I hate how people can't believe someone is not into watching sports. One guy asked me once "who's your favorite team?", I said I had none, and he's like "WHAT?!?!? how is that possible, everyone's got a favorite team". Ugh, it's as if there's something wrong with you if you don't keep track of the petty competition of grown men chasing after a ball like retards. Oh my God, Jeff Garcia threw a ball and some guy bumped into him.....yeah it's really entertaining to watch a grown man try to achieve a pointless goal. Why should I fucking care about Jeff Garcia or any other ballmover? You think they care about me? Maybe if he shoves that ball up his ass and gets decapitated by a helicopter, I'd watch sports.I hope all these "superstars" OD on steroids and die. Their funerals would make better entertainment than their worthless ballgames. I bet someone is gonna say, "fuck you, you're just a wimpy jealous nerd that sucks at sports"

Doesn't matter if I was some wimpy nerd or buff motherfucker, the sports culture still fucking sucks and is useless to society regardless of how I or you look.

Now I bet someone is going to say "fuck you, athletes donate money". Well it's the least those overpaid dickheads could do. They should feel guilty being paid millions to play a game kids play for free while a fast food cashier or janitor (people more useful and relevant) gets nothing.

Whatever happened to natural selection?

So there’s some skate park I heard my little brother and his skater friends bitching about cause they’re not allowed to skate there unless they have a helmet. I support these skaters that want to skate without a helmet, not cause I’m some fellow skateboard rebel, but because I am a firm supporter of natural selection. For billions of years, it used to be that if a life form sucked or was stupid, it would simply die off for their and the universe’s own good. Fast-forward to our modern society and natural selection is simply no more. The government has to interfere with too many aspects of everyone’s insignificant lives. A lot of people that should be dead, still alive, not because they’re bright enough to figure out how to survive but because the government is stupid enough to protect them. If a skater is too stupid to protect his head, maybe it's cause there's nothing in it to begin with. Let him die off from a head injury if that's the consequence his choice warrants. This leads me to another thing. Seat belts. Why the hell should someone get punished for not wearing a safety belt? If anything, we should be thanking these drivers for endangering their own lives, thus decreasing the driver population in the world. I figure, the less drivers we have, the more parking we get. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, parking is our society’s most frustrating problem. It’s like the toppings on a Pizza Hut pizza. THERE’S NEVER ENOUGH DAMNIT!

How hard is it to put on a fucking belt anyways, if you’re too stupid to figure out you need to put one on to increase your chances of survival and you need the law to force your dumbass to use one, you shouldn’t even be fit to breathe, let alone be driving a car. That reminds me, now I see cigarette boxes that say SMOKING KILLS. I’m gonna assume again the government was behind this. Are there really people that dimwitted that they need the government to state the common sense (or at least SHOULD be common sense by now) that smoking kills? Whoa, “SMOKING KILLS”? No shit? What other breaking news is there, “WATER WET”? Do we need another Ted Bundy or Columbine to compensate for all the stupid lives saved from the lack of natural selection in our retard society?

Oh sure, you could argue that seat belt and helmet laws are really for everyone’s benefit since there’s a chance that us taxpayers would be picking up the tab for the medical costs of a skater with a cracked skull or driver with a face smashed on his steering wheel, thus prevention through enforcing rules is the greater good for all. Well again, natural selection should be taking place. Let them die off if they have to burden taxpayers. It’s their own asses that got them in that mess, should be their own asses that gets them out of it as well, not my money. Taxes shouldn’t be used to interfere with natural selection.

I don't relate to my relatives

(from 2007) After being forced to meet up with a couple relatives a while ago I've come to the conclusion I am not really related to any of them. If it weren't for the same blood running under our skin, we'd be complete apathetic strangers to each other if we ever met. Now due to unfortunate circumstances of falling out the wrong cunt and being formed by the wrong jizz, I'm now obligated to put up with all the dumb bullshit of these so-called "relatives". All my relatives suck, I can't even "relate" to them cause they're all into lame garbage. Why do they call them relatives if you can't even "relate" to them? They'll brag about their money or careers, brag about liking diverse music because they like r&b and emo (oh my gawd, you like r&b AND emo, you are the most cultured and creative unique individual ever), and they're deeply religious (ugh, I got a Born Again Christian Aunt, I hope she's "born again" when I kill her, so I could have the satisfaction of disemboweling the bitch more than once). Houses are a big topic with relatives too. When they realize they can't shut the fuck up about how much money they make, or their fancy careers, or their expensive cars, or how great their God is, they will talk about their houses. They always go on and on about the size of their house as if they were bragging about the size of their dick. Their houses are shit though. What does it matter how big their house is; it's the same boring status-quo assholes living in it with the typical furniture and big useless TV. It's useless because all that TV is used for is "the big game" or some worthless Matt Damon movie. Those people are rarely in their home anyways. They're too busy working and being phonies somewhere else to pay for the damn houses. It doesn't matter where you live; it's what you do where you live. If I had a mansion, I'd probably just end up jerking off to the same porn sluts, drawing with the same pen on the same kind of paper, and lifting the same weights as I listen to the same pissed-off music. It's all the same shit I do in my small apartment. Doesn't matter where I live, I will do that shit wherever I can until I die so fuck your overrated mansions where all you have is a bigger place to be miserable. My relatives can go fuck themselves in their stupid big houses. Their houses mean nothing to me just like their obnoxious social gatherings I avoid and everything else they own or "accomplished". They remind me of most people. I hate people, relatives are no exception.
The bitch that I fell out of always wishes I could be "successful" like my cousins. She thinks they're "successful" because of how much they brag about the typical job/car/faith/house/marriage bullshit. But they're all losers in my eyes. They're all just living a boring generic secure life that a million other dispensable yuppie shitheads have. All their obituaries end up being the same except with an interchangeable name. I don't even remember half my cousins! I never get their names right or know which cousin is from which uncle or aunt cause I don't even remember my aunts or uncles either, and I really don't care. All I know is I got a bunch of relatives and share nothing in common with those dorks. My mother is just a sucker, always thinking the grass is greener on the other side, wishing she was as "successful" as them. Sure I'm a loser too, but I don't try to hide that fact by devoting my existence to being a derivative American asshole that creates social gatherings as an excuse to brag and because "it's what families do".

Jesus Christ, the symbol of white supremacy

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