Money: If you’re a guy and ever given the opportunity to be a pornstar and a high paid escort..most likely your customers won’t be women. Well this was the case for me. True story. If only I was gay, I’d be making a fuckload of money doing something I would love. But no, I had to be a damn heterosexual, it was a challenge showing off my erection capabilities at the audition alone. That job would have sucked..LITERALLY…which would have been cool if I was into dudes.
Love: I dunno if it’s just my luck, but I just can’t relate to most women. I want a woman that enjoys death metal, steak umms, and watching Rocko’s Modern Life as much as me. Finding other guys into that shit is no problem. I always say, “damn it, if only the woman had a man’s brain”..then the concept of transsexuals come up and I wonder if it would be gay if I found a hot transsexual, y’know, one of those that got the surgery while they were young.
Oppression: Gay is the new black as far as Civil Rights go so being perverted and talking about my porn collection wouldn’t be a bad thing, it would be simply a struggle for sexual liberation if I was gay.
Get to call things Gay: Maybe I listen to too much Anal Cunt, but I still like calling things Gay when they suck. Like Origami, Ballet, and independent films. Those are GAY. I get called a homophobe for pointing out that fact. Now if I was a gay man and I called those things gay, I wouldn’t be a homophobe with anger problems, I’d be a homosexual with a sense of humor just like the blacks that say nigger.
Hello Kitty: I really like Hello Kitty stuff but I don’t own any of that stuff cause I’m afraid gay men will hit on me if I start putting the stickers on my guitar amp and book binders. Damn it, why the hell can’t there be an equivalent of a Hello Kitty for heterosexual males?!
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