left, me in 1997; right me in 2010
While flipping channels, there was one show where some dork was talking about his wife and how when he first met her, he knew this was the woman that he'd be with for the "rest of his life". That got me thinking, how the hell do you know you'll love or be something for the rest of your life when you haven't lived the rest of your life yet? I see a lot of people say they'll love someone for the rest of their life but then after a month or even a week they break up. There were times when I said "I can eat this for the rest of my life" or "I could listen to this band for the rest of my life", next thing you know I'm eating something else or I'm listening to some other band. Just got sick of the food, just got sick of the band..that's all I can say.
Back when I was in middle school I was huge on hip hop and thought I'd be into hip hop for life, come high school I don't even own a single hip hop cd and even get embarrassed that I was actually into shit like Rappin-4-tay, Richie Rich, Luniz, etc (wow, I'm surprised I even remember some of those rappers). I used to collect toys throughout my childhood and teens year, kept them as perfect as possible in their package cause I thought I would grow old with the junk, come college I hate all that bullshit and sold (practically gave away) everything on ebay. Ghost Rider used to be my all time favorite comic character, now I can't fucking stand Marvel comics. When I was a catholic in like the 1st grade, I said I'd love God forever, now I don't even believe in God. Grunge, I loved it, then hated it, now love it again. People that said we'd be "best friends forever" just disappear and I doubt we'd even recognize each other if we ever cross paths again. On the other hand, people I hated so much in high school and swore to never forgive are on good terms with me now and we laugh at some of the silly feelings we had before.
I'm really indecisive with what to do with my life when it comes to making a living (although when I was a kid I wanted to be a comic artist for Marvel and back in high school I wanted to be a wrestler, wow I was retarded). I look at potential careers but then I say "nah, can't see myself doing this for the rest of my life" (especially business or medical careers, I always say I'd get bored and commit suicide if I became an accountant or depressed and commit suicide if I became a surgeon). I know I can be any of those things if I put my efforts in them and had the patience, but I just keep going for the short-term gratification of seeing a cool porno or drawing something strange to amuse myself as time passes.
I can see myself jumping from one menial general labor job to the next, but can't see myself anchored to one profession that I would invest so many years into getting. But who knows, maybe I'll want to be an accountant or surgeon when I get more serious in life? In my observation of my own life, things changed more often than they stayed the same. Seems like people just say the "rest of your life" thing most of the time cause they're just caught in the moment.. From now on, I will never claim to say I'd like or be something for the rest of my life because it's so easy to get sick of something and opinions can change as fast as they were created. Wait, maybe my claim of refusing to say I'd like or be something for the rest of my life is just me talking in the heat of the moment? Whatever, I think too much cause of tv, who said tv makes your brain lazy?
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